Reclaiming Your Self: Identity, Health & Wellbeing After Child-Rearing & In Perimenopause.
By Nadia Walton, Physiotherapist | Laneways Rehabilitation and Ergonomics
And Tanya Wilson, Psychologist | MindZen Psychology
Imagine looking in the mirror and quietly asking, “Where did I go?” Perhaps you’re wearing yesterday’s pyjamas, and your tea has gone cold for the third time. This feeling of being physically depleted, emotionally disconnected, and unsure how to begin reclaiming your identity is profoundly common for women who have spent years prioritising others. This journey of reclaiming your self – your identity, health & wellbeing after child-rearing & in perimenopause – is exactly what this article addresses.
This experience is particularly prevalent in the post-child rearing or perimenopausal phase. Hormonal changes, new diagnoses like high cholesterol or pre-diabetes, and the pervasive weight-related stigma you may have faced can converge to create a profound sense of loss. Even when your children have grown, the emotional labour of caregiving often continues. But this is not an end. It could be the beginning of a powerful reawakening, especially for those navigating these changes in a larger body.
This discussion is a collaboration between Nadia Walton, a physiotherapist at Laneways Rehabilitation and Ergonomics, and Tanya Wilson, a psychologist from MindZen Psychology. Together, we work closely to support both the physical and psychological aspects of wellbeing during this significant life phase. Our aim is to offer practical support, gentle encouragement, and evidence-based strategies to help you reconnect with yourself, body and mind, exactly as you are.
The Physiotherapy Perspective: Reclaiming Your Body with Compassion
Physiotherapy extends far beyond just injury rehabilitation. It’s fundamentally about understanding movement, improving function, and helping you live with more ease and joy in your body. For many women, especially those in larger bodies, beginning to move again after years of caring for children or entering menopause can feel incredibly daunting. Fatigue, pelvic floor concerns, joint pain, and disturbed sleep are common companions during this time. When you add a history of weight stigma in healthcare, it’s understandable why many women delay or avoid seeking help altogether.
Take Sonia, 52, who shared her experience: “I’d raised three kids, worked full-time, and suddenly found myself with no energy and a body that felt like it belonged to someone else. I didn’t want a bootcamp. I wanted to feel like me again.”
A physiotherapist who understands bodies of all shapes and sizes brings a compassionate, size-inclusive approach to movement. Rather than focusing on weight loss or “fixing” your body, we prioritise building strength, improving energy, and fostering confidence. Movement should feel good and empowering, not punishing. Even a few minutes of functional, joyful movement each day can begin to rebuild your relationship with your body. It’s not about “bouncing back” to a former self. It’s about moving forward, gently and sustainably, towards a stronger, more vibrant you. And no, chasing your dog down the street because someone left the gate open probably doesn’t count as a structured exercise program for over 50 but it’s certainly a start!
The Psychology Perspective: Finding Your Voice and Identity Again
Emotionally, this life phase can truly feel like a perfect storm. You may have spent years putting everyone else first – children, partners, ageing parents – until your own needs became virtually invisible. This silencing of your own voice and desires is common in women who carry the emotional labour of caregiving.
Layered over this is the impact of medical diagnoses, which can often be delivered with shame-laden messages, particularly when they are linked to weight (e.g., high blood pressure, insulin resistance, PCOS). These conditions are real, but their presentation often overlooks the broader context of chronic stress, past trauma, or neurodivergence that you might be navigating.
Psychology offers powerful tools to gently challenge internalised weight stigma, reclaim your autonomy, and heal your relationship with yourself. Therapy can help you reconnect to your deepest values, establish healthy boundaries, and truly recognise that your immense worth is not tied to your appearance or productivity. This aligns perfectly with the principles of weight neutral health care and a body positive physio approach to well-being.
Take Leah, 49, whose story resonates deeply: “After my last child left home, I just felt hollow. I’d gained weight, my doctor kept bringing it up, and I felt invisible. Therapy helped me start seeing my body – and myself – as something worthy of care, not criticism.”
You are allowed to take up space – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And if that means hiding in your car to eat snacks in peace while listening to a true crime podcast… so be it. We see you, and we understand.
5 Gentle Ways to Begin Your Reconnection Journey
If you’re wondering how to start reclaiming your identity and health during this transformative period, here are some gentle, actionable steps:
- Name the Loss: Acknowledge the parts of yourself that feel lost – not with judgment, but with profound compassion. Write a letter to your younger self or journal about what truly matters to you now.
- Move to Feel, Not to Fix: Choose one movement that feels genuinely enjoyable or grounding. This could be walking in nature, gentle yoga, stretching while music plays, or trying some
low impact exercises at home without equipment.Notice how your body feels during the movement, not just afterward. - Practice Body-Neutral Self-Talk: Gently begin to replace critical phrases like “I need to lose weight” with affirming thoughts like “I want to feel stronger,” or “My body deserves kindness today.” This is a crucial step towards a healthier self-relationship.
- Redefine Health on Your Terms: Work with healthcare practitioners who are truly focused on your individual needs, your overall well-being, and your health goals, rather than fixating solely on your body weight. Let your health goals be about improving energy, sleep, mood, and function, not just the number on the scale.
- Ask for Help: Whether it’s from a physiotherapist, psychologist, GP, or a trusted peer support group, reaching out is a powerful step. Healing and reconnection truly thrive in safe, supportive spaces.
Final Thoughts: You Are Evolving
You are not broken. You are evolving. This is your permission slip to step into a new, vibrant chapter – one that honours the wisdom of your body, the depth of your experiences, and your authentic self.
It’s never too late to start again, gently.
Ready to Reclaim Your Health and Identity? We Are Here For You.
If this discussion resonated deeply with you, know that you are not alone, and it is never too late to begin your journey of reconnection. At Laneways Rehab, in collaborative partnership with MindZen Psychology, we offer a truly holistic and compassionate approach to support women navigating the post-child rearing and perimenopausal years, especially those seeking help after an extended period not and emotional well-being without shame.
